"...the offer of a holiday at the sea"

2009-08-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

the boat spent a few years taking passengers and luggage from one port to the next. all the while the passengers were satisfied and well fed and cared for and new friends were made between all of them. soon the ship wasnt necessary. it started taking on leaks. the vessel would be going down at some point. but it still felt the need to make the same route daily, even if no one was on the ship. each day it would sink deeper, but it would still have the strength. the captain figured out that the luggage on board was worse than the holes. the captain knew that the people and their new lives are much more important than the luggage left on board. the captain tossed the luggage, the ship rose, more luggage was tossed, the ship rose. the breach in the hull was no longer a problem. the ship rose. the ship rose. the ship rose. the ship would sail again. maybe not the same route. but the ship will rise. the ship will rise. the ship will not need the same passengers. the ship will rise.

2009-07-28T14:54:00.000-07:00

i need to make my mind think more. i need to lessen my internalizing of things. i need to have a constant flow of information from ear to brain to mouth to brain to ear to brain to mouth to brain......one that doesnt stop.

it needs to flow. i need it to flow. not for you or me or her or him, but for all. i will carry my pen and paper. i will pray instead of fret. i will be present, hopefully.

2009-03-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

this has been neglected

- the random videos that i would post are easier to post directly to twitter.
- the random links are easier to post to twitter.
- i am wanting to begin a wordpress account and have my blog be business.
- business in that sense means i want it to correspond with design / all of that.
- i dont post thoughts on here because the people that read this (jon, sarah, katie, dani, kristin, joann....) are people i would rather talk to about everything instead of directing them to some long URL and making our relationship more techy and less real.
- i have been busy with a branding project, and 2 websites for the freelance side of me.
- i am growing in who i am as a boyfriend. and this is also growing me in who i am as a human.
- theodyssey is opening my mind up. thats the easiest way to describe it. i feel like i am aware.
- extremely loud and incredibly close is still running through my mind.
- some people and i dont put effort into seeing eachother anymore, and i realize that with some of these people, we never really did. other people are stepping up. i am stepping up with other people. my bus of friends stopped and i got off. i call a few on the bus, they call back. we are learning what we need. and i am learning that it isnt about me being handed friends. it is about me making friends that are friends all around and not just friends who talk about work and complain about it daily. its about loving and talking and drinking and sharing and eating and it goes on. i can sum this up by saying i am learning what it takes to be a friend and through that i am seeing who my friends are....if you are reading this, things are good. dont worry.
- because of the above statement, i am trying to make new guy friends (similar to i love you, man)
- i want to photocopy all of the theodyssey stuff and give them to people who may benefit. but i also want them to take the course. so i may not do the photocopying.

2009-01-09T10:24:00.001-08:00

2008-12-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

Top Ten of 2008 (movies)

so i still havent seen the dark knight, but these are the ones i have seen that i loved

2008-12-23T20:43:00.003-08:00

Top Ten of 2008

i like the bon iver album. it was on my list last year. that is why you do not see it.

Air France - No Way Down

Atlas Sound - Let the Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel

Daedelus - Love To Make Music To

Deerhunter - Microcastle / Weird Era Cont.

Gregor Samsa - Rest

M83 - Saturdays=Youth

Sebastien Tellier - Sexuality

School of Seven Bells - Alpinisms

Subtle - ExitingARM

Bohren & der Club of Gore - Dolores

just like Man on Wire

2008-11-24T14:01:00.001-08:00

2008-11-18T10:53:00.000-08:00

investments / the economy

$3000 turned into $750.

kiva:
a little bit of money helps people get on their feet. makes me forget about our economy

2008-11-05T14:34:00.000-08:00

Intellect

i realized that i crave intellect more than anything right now.

years ago my happiness could have been drawn from watching and making movies, concerts, staying up late, and so much more that i can view as who i was years ago.

when i used to watch cheesy comedies i now watch Mad Men.
when i used to read music magazines i now read news articles, mcsweeneys, modern classic literature, the believer and good magazine.

i find myself liking regional specific events (craft fairs, beerfests, antique fairs...)

i enjoy seeing authors speak.

i like drinking but not for the sake of drinking, but tasting.

i find myself being more intentional with my daily life, making sure that what i buy is good for the environment / the workers who created each product.

there is nothing wrong with any of this. and i love this.

2008-10-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

the last few months

i always need a certain thought to hit my head. one thought that puts all other thoughts away. this thought is kindof an satisfaction/looking back thought. let's backtrack.

i wanted to work with design. my frustrations with the stagancy of my life (6.5 years at starbucks, 6 years at college....so on), i needed a change. i tried to bridge my life by doing freelance work while i was in college and at starbucks. that wasnt much at all, it ended up being my volunteer work for vintage faith. i wanted more clients, i was never satisfied.

then i get this job, move to santa cruz, that is great. but this thought i had today is that i was blessed in my freelance. i've been doing a nice job at it. i need to not always be frustrated, i need to think about where i am at, and this is what makes me happy today.

i am gloating a bit. but i am not really too proud of my work normally, so i can gloat today.

in the last few months i made (in freelance / madebybrian.com style):
2 cds
1 logo
2 wedding invitations
almost done with a website
1 book cover / interior layout
lots of little things

i think i just need to be thankful right now, as i am usually unhappy or mildly bitter about where i am at in life.

2008-10-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

audio / visual
here are things that i love right now:

DVD
- Mad Men (only 5 episodes in)

WRITING
- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
- Haruki Murakami's writing

MUSIC
- Crystal Castles
- The Dead Texan
- Horse Feathers (who i missed at the crepe place)

FUTURE
- Half Camping tomorrow
- David Sedaris on sunday
- Soulwax / 2manydjs on thursday
- Halloween
- Maybe Boston
- Maybe Tahoe
- Maybe My Brightest Diamond on Nov 24
- M83 on Nov 28
- Jesse coming home
- Nicole coming home
- Sebastien tellier on Dec 4
- Amber and Simon coming out for a month
- Tahoe
- Maybe i will swing some big trip in the winter.

-

2008-10-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

what should i read?
i just finished laughter in the dark by nabokov, and i feel like i have an array of options, and i am bored at work. help me decide what i want to read:

- sputnik sweetheart by haruki murakami
- life is elsewhere by milan kundera
- farewell waltz by milan kundera
- now and then by joseph heller
- the curious incident of the dog in the night-time by mark haddon
- the corrections by jonathan franzen
- the final solution by michael chabon
- summerland by michael chabon
- amazing adventures of kavalier and clay by michael chabon
- the shipping news by annie proulx
- mary by vladamir nabokov
- the red pony by john steinbeck
- __________________ by ___________________

2008-09-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

bloghaus
bon iver and lykke li.

2008-09-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

things i like right now

the song, murderer, by Low.

my morning jacket live.

jeffrey eugenides.

and i love that he doesnt make appearances.

2008-09-09T15:03:00.001-07:00

round trip to ljubljana for $10

i had a dream last night that i went to ljubljana for only $10. now i am looking to see how much airfare is there. i miss it.

2008-09-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

2008-09-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

i am an elephant.

The blind man who feels a leg says the elephant is like a pillar; the one who feels the tail says the elephant is like a rope; the one who feels the trunk says the elephant is like a tree branch; the one who feels the ear says the elephant is like a hand fan; the one who feels the belly says the elephant is like a wall; and the one who feels the tusk says the elephant is like a solid pipe.

A wise man explains to them

All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently is because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all the features you mentioned.

i feel like this is where the enigma that is brian lies.
to me i feel like i have many qualities and faults.
but some people that see me as a rope cannot see me as a wall.
i want everyone to see the whole elephant.

2008-08-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

banksy in new orleans

2008-08-28T17:40:00.000-07:00

obamabraham

2008-08-20T16:10:00.001-07:00

mcsweeney's and politics
i love this.

i enjoyed reading superbad by ben greenman, and this made me appreciate him more.

2008-08-13T13:27:00.001-07:00

so i like to buy cheap books

for these reasons:
1. to read
2. the covers
3. the illustrations (for future design work and inspiration)
4. the maps
5. the rarity
6. possible resale

here are some recent finds:

with a great non-jacket cover too:

i already own catcher in the rye, but i figured for 25 cents, i might as well.

with these illustrations:

and its set in gill sans.

2008-08-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

oh-merica

At 8:00 p.m. on August 8, 2008, an estimated 4 billion people beheld what looks to have been spectacular feat of pageantry: the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics, held in Beijing's National Stadium, aka the Bird's Nest.

A few hours before the commencement of the ceremonies, Chinese President Hu Jintao declared, “The historic moment we have long awaited is arriving...The world has never needed mutual understanding, mutual toleration and mutual cooperation as much as it does today.”

NBC opted not to broadcast the ceremony live. We Americans, it seems, will attain our global understanding, toleration, and cooperation when we're good and ready—i.e., when it's most appealing to advertisers.

Cynicism and corporate loathing aside, we are utterly sincere when we say the following: GO USA!

-from good magazine's blog.

2008-07-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

another blog
Ligatures On Tap

if anyone wants to contribute about beer or maps or design, let me know. i like the idea of communal blogs.

2008-07-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

someone liked feist's idea
M83 - Kim & Jessie

2008-07-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

the best band of our age

2008-07-21T21:47:00.000-07:00

what is upcoming

and

milk

and

8

2008-07-18T09:16:00.001-07:00

my soundtrack
Soundrack of My Life?
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

Opening Credits: Ferriswheel by Why?

Waking Up: Pretty Mary K (New Moon Version) by Elliot Smith

First Day of School: 7:25 by Mogwai

Falling in Love: Sospiri by The Winston Jazz Routine

Fight Song: Blind (Frankie Knuckles Remix) by Hercvles And Love Affair

Breaking Up: Hay Consuelo by Pier Bucci

Prom: Smash Your Head by Girl Talk

Life: Horseheadedfleshwizard by Devendra Banhart

Driving: All We Have by Brazillian Girls

Flashback: Optimistic by Radiohead

Getting Back Together: Leyendecker by Battles

Wedding: The Animated Tripod by The Cinematic Orchestra

Party: King Of You by Psapp

Birth of A Child: 100 Years by Dr. Dog (this is actually really good)

Final Battle: Eddie's Gun by The Kooks

Funeral Song: Se Lest (Heima Version) by Sigur Ros (perfect)

Ending Credits: Xilo by Gui Boratto

2008-07-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

categorizing

i think it makes sense how with music we categorize by the artist (or moreso frontman). like when we think about the music we listen to we see their faces, them playing it. but with movies we see the actors. im not discrediting their role at all, but the director should be in that frontman role. this being said i want to watch movies in chronological order with different directors. i want to see their eye in the works, instead of the actors in the works.
i want to start with gus van sant.
i would want to watch everything by fellini.

who is in? maybe a weekly movie night?

2008-07-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

favorite albums by year

this is according to the years that i was alive.
criteria for this: don't choose an album because it is what inspired something later on. choose albums that you listen to more than others from that year, and you feel a better connection to it. try to narrow it down to one. i have two for some of mine, but it is a tough call on those.

1982 – Bruce Springsteen - Nebraska
1983 – Tears for Fears – The Hurting
1984 – Bruce Springsteen – Born In The USA
1985 – The Cure – The Head On The Door
1986 – The Smiths – The Queen is Dead
1987 – U2 – The Joshua Tree
1988 – The Pixies – Surfer Rosa
1989 – The Cure - Disintegration
1990 – Depeche Mode - Violator
1991 – My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
1992 – Arreseted Development – 3 years, 5 months & 2 days in the life of…
1993 – Sting – Ten Summoner’s Tales
1994 – Portishead - Dummy
1995 – Radiohead – The Bends
1996 – Weezer - Pinkerton
1997 – Radiohead – OK Computer / Bjork - Homogenic
1998 – Elliott Smith - XO
1999 – Jimmy Eat World - Clarity
2000 – Radiohead – Kid A
2001 – Daft Punk - Discovery
2002 – Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot / Sigur Ros – ( )
2003 – Broken Social Scene – You Forgot It In People
2004 – Sufjan Stevens – Seven Swans
2005 – Sufjan Stevens – Illinois / M83 – Before the Dawn Heals Us
2006 – The Knife – Silent Shout
2007 – The Cinematic Orchestra – Ma Fleur

2008-07-07T11:23:00.001-07:00

days of all days

there are some days that i remember so vividly, these days could be waking up through falling asleep. or it could be a period of time where i went from relaxation to relaxation again, like way too much craziness happened in that time. i thought i would share some of these, because these are stories that i will continue to tell people all the time. ill re-blog this every day, that will be my way of always telling people.

june 2, 2000
my parents went away on vacation leaving me at my house alone. i took the day off of school because i had to prepare for 2 things that will happen that night, Quarter Oi's last shows, and Senior Prom at Valley Christian. but i really took the day off to make myself tired and sleep all day because after the all night long prom, i would drive straight to taking my SATs. simple, strange day. i wake up at 8, mad that i didnt sleep in. i wanted to make my sleep schedule adjust easily for me not sleeping in that future night, and not be tired for the SATs. i decide to go running to make me tired. i run for a few blocks, passing mcdonalds and realizing that i would rather drink a milkshake than run. so i drink it, and i go home. then instead of getting things ready for prom that night i watch tv. then i meet up with the band to go to our two shows (not knowing they were our last shows), and i knew i would only be able to go to the first of the two because of the prom. play the show. leave our set early even, and then im out on 280 around 6:00 during peak traffic, trying to get to willow glen to get the corsage and then all the way to santa teresa area to pick up my date. oh and i have to get dressed. and meet her at 6:30. around 6:30 i call and tell her i am not even close. i go to pick up the corsage, florist is closed with a note on the door saying "brian, your corsage is at the restaurant next door". i pick it up (free because we didnt know how to pay for it) and rush to her house. still in traffic, at the offramp towards her house i rear end the car in front of me. she refuses to get out because of the traffic. no damage to either car, she wants to cops to check it out because she doesnt trust my words. frustrated i call my date again (7:30ish) and tell them the situation, and her dad dealt with the lady and the cop and my car while we went to the prom. the prom was awkward and my date and i didnt really talk. i hung out with our mutual friend. i left, confused and bored. then i drove straight to take my SATs. and after that i talked to my parents (in europe) to tell them that i got in an accident.

it's funny how i remember everything about the day except the prom, which took up a long long long time.

june 15-16, 2006
in prague, czech republic.
all 7 of us on our trip decided to split up during our last day of being in prague. some people went and ate goulash, some people shopped for shoes. we all knew to be back at our hostel across town at 4. so that we could pack and pay and give us enough time to get on the night train to frankfurt germany. realizing that my group is running late and the buses and trains seem to be going slower we develop a plan. 2 guys would go back, get our bags, pay for the hostel, get in a taxi and meet us at the train station because public transit wasnt on our side, plus all of us who did not eat goulash were now starving. getting on our last metro towards our meet up spot, aletheia, katherine and i got ticketed by the czech transit police. we had to go to an atm to get money so that we wouldnt get arrested. we now had less money, stressed on time, starving and hoping that everyone will meet us when we said so.
end up eating at mcdonalds, and im not thrilled about sleeping on a train for the night, but i am excited about a nice hotel (not hostel) in amsterdam the following night. we meet up, everyone is stressed and we get on our 12 hour overnight train to realize there arent sleeper cabins. just rooms of 3 chairs facing 3 chairs (much like the one from ljubljana to budapest). me, ryan, katherine and random people. for 12 hours. not comfortable. making me excited to switch trains in frankfurt and get something nicer (since dutch trains are some of the best), and excited to sleep in a hotel.
we switch trains. and we are now on the most populated train of all. all 7 of us split up and we have to sit in the sections between cars (by the bathroom, in the steps) for a few hours until some people get off at random stops in the dutch countryside. then we have seats. im excited still for a nice hotel and nice shower and all that. so finally we get to amsterdam, and we instantly look for places to stay, everything is booked. everything. we call around and there is nothing. it was a friday or saturday night. finally the girls find a place for the 3 of them. the 4 of us guys end up sleeping in someone's apartment or something. i feel like the owners were out of town and whoever was housesitting traded it for money. it was weird and sketchy and the worst place ive ever stayed in. i just wanted to sleep laying down in a nice place with no stress.

the craziest and most stressful day ever.

2008-07-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

мыс Дежнева

what russians see when they look at alaska.

thanks to google maps: picture view

2008-06-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

two songs at one time

so often does my head have two songs playing at the same time. back and forth. i dont know why. but i will always update you on the two that do this to me.

right now it is:

MGMT - Electric Feel
&
Secret Machines - Alone, Jealous and Stoned

2008-06-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

one red paperclip

Kyle MacDonald began with one red paper clip on March 28, 2005.
with the help of craigslist he traded up.

On July 14, 2005, he went to Vancouver and traded the paperclip for a fish-shaped pen.

He then traded the pen the same day for a hand-sculpted doorknob from Seattle, Washington, which he nicknamed "Knob-T".

On July 25, 2005, he traveled to Amherst, Massachusetts, with a friend to trade the Knob-T for a Coleman camp stove (with fuel).

On September 24, 2005, he went to San Clemente, California, and traded the camp stove for a Honda generator, from a U.S. Marine.

On November 16, 2005, he made a second (and successful) attempt (after having the generator confiscated by the New York City Fire Department) in Maspeth, Queens, to trade the generator for an "instant party": an empty keg, an IOU for filling the keg with the beer of the holder's choice, and a neon Budweiser sign.

On December 8, 2005, he traded the "instant party" to Quebec comedian and radio personality Michel Barrette for a Ski-doo snowmobile.

Within a week of that, he traded the snowmobile for a two-person trip to Yahk, British Columbia, in February 2006.

On or about January 7, 2006, the second person on the trip to Yahk traded Kyle a cube van for the privilege.

On or about February 22, 2006, he traded the cube van for a recording contract with Metal Works in Toronto, Canada.

On or about April 11, 2006, he traded the recording contract to Jody Gnant for a year's rent in Phoenix, Arizona.

On or about April 26, 2006, he traded the one year's rent in Phoenix, Arizona, for one afternoon with Alice Cooper

On or about May 26, 2006, he traded the one afternoon with Alice Cooper for a KISS motorized snow globe

On or about June 2, 2006, he traded the KISS motorized snow globe to Corbin Bernsen for a role in the film Donna on Demand.

On or about July 5, 2006, he traded the movie role for a two-story farmhouse in Kipling, Saskatchewan.

2008-06-27T10:08:00.001-07:00

help me out here

i dont want to sound all mighty here. and i dont want to sound like a jerk. so i am sorry if any of this comes out that way.

i feel like i am set on my friends. like i do not have any more energy to put towards more. maybe in the future. but right now i am a busy guy. adding things to my plate right now would be terrible. i feel bad when i tell my roommates and others over here that i cant join them. that i have to go to sleep when i get home. i want people to be ok with the fact that i might be too busy and too tired to hang out. am i a jerk for not making effort in this?

2008-06-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

senses: in threes

i want to see the rest of you try this.
i was thinking about my taste and how what i like is very different than kristin. and i thought deeper about each person's individual senses and how they have little triggers that will make moments better. like if someone loves the smell of roses, walking past a rose garden will strike them, versus someone else who wouldnt notice it. these are little things that are hard to describe (at least in my scenario) but i will do it.

i am going to both be slightly vague (with some examples of better clarity)

TASTE
- beer (mood / weather / location specific)
- burritos (from the mission mostly)
- coffee (french press / in the morning / outside)
(these three = san francisco)

SIGHT
- maps
- type
- organization
(these three = love for transit maps)

HEAR
- foreign languages (on the streets / around me / to be lost in it)
- cinematic music (music in movies / while in transit / atmospheric music)
- things in the distance (unknown sounds / kids playing / fading out)
(these three = travel)

SMELL
- pairing of coffee and cigarettes on a cold morning (outside)
- old bookstores and vintage shops (the dust?)
- fresh food (in the morning)
(these three = days off)

TOUCH
- new socks
- warm showers
- the first rain drops
(these three = winter)

2008-06-09T09:34:00.001-07:00

atlas sound

this album is killing 2008 in a great way.

2008-06-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

what happens in new york....

in nice photographs
in reviews
in bad photographs

2008-05-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

another reason to love europeans

2008-05-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

reason to love europeans

sebastien tellier - divine.

just look at him.

2008-05-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

some updates for you

1. got my diploma finally.

2. updated my flickr with the new mapping program.

3. i want to live in 2002 again. keep getting memories of being in china listening to undercover by pete yorn, eating amazing food, in the warm evenings, walking and taking pictures. other 2002 goodnesses:

2008-05-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

in the lulls of the 9-5

things younger than republican presidential candidate (oh, and did i forget to mention "war hero"?) john mccain

hot library smut

ffffound

the 2000 census in map form

tabels of contents

and finally:

2008-05-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

my new york post

1. the room
by far one of my favorite bars in the world. ill have to try the other room and another room too.

2. i want to find missions from improv everywhere and join them for their fun.

3. beacon's closet in brooklyn.

4. the ruff club. not the place i got kicked out of.

5. going up the empire state building again. did it at sunset at it was great.

6. walking though the park. sitting in the park.

7. being treated poorly.

2008-05-07T18:29:00.000-07:00

feeds

rss feeds are my favorite thing of 2008 right now. and gmail's rss reader makes it possible

2008-05-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

what im excited for

may 21
m83 with a full band at great american music hall

may 28-june 4
nyc

june 3
m83 with a full band at williamsburg music hall in brooklyn

sumemrtime
bike rides and the beach and bbqs and being in santa cruz.

august 2
dave and caits wedding

august 23
wilco
broken social scene
andrew bird
sharon jones & the dap kings
bon iver
little brother
nicole atkins
at sf outside lands

2008-04-29T12:31:00.001-07:00

those tax rebates

10 things to do with the tax rebate

i think this is important. i really think this gift many of us are given shouldnt be spent frivolously. think about all those times we said that if americans gave some tiny percent of their checks to aid those in poverty we could do it easily. this is a gift and something smart needs to be done with it. read that over. i know some arent selfless, but many of them are.

just little challenges for you.

2008-03-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

wanna buy a tv

the sony bravia ads are truly amazing in all forms.

2008-03-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

mister lonely

2008-03-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

top 10 satisfactions

as you guys blog about top ten pet peeves, i decided to think about my responses for that while i list the little satisfactions of life. this could be linked to Amile, where the narrator addresses each characters little satisfactions. these are in no order

1. cleaning things out. not cleaning like scrubbing things down, but quick cleans like throwing away stuff that clogs up the desktop on my computer. or throwing away a box that i realized i will never use. or throwing away notes from a meteorology class knowing that i will not need these in my future.

2. laundry habits. i love when i am transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer and i reach in and hold a larger amount of fabric than i had imagined. this can be contrasted with my disinterest of pulling out a single shirt when i wanted to grab at least a shirt and a few socks and some pants.

3. reminders of travels. being outside when it is slightly cold with a brisk wind and i am drinking a coffee and i smell cigarettes in the near distance reminds me of europe. and that makes me feel at peace. i want to live in those moments and be relaxed in that. another example is walking past a dumpster in large cities on hot days. that terrible trash stench reminds me of beijing, and i sit and live in that moment.

4. clean sheets. i love going to bed and climbing into clean sheets. sheets that are perfectly fit to my bed. i usually do this before i go on a trip so that when i get home, i have this waiting for me, and i get so excited for it.

5. number 2. sometime right after going to the bathroom it is the best feeling.

6. popping corks. with champagne bottles or belgian beer. i like popping the cork in my hand instead of letting it fly. it is a great feeling

7. rubbing my hands for warmth. i choose to do this when i am cold versus blowing warm air in the hands or putting my hands in a pocket.

8. paying with coins. it is satisfying to get rid of change, and i enjoy paying with it, although i have not had it in my to do this at bars or restaurants. it is easy at coffee shops and places where i make purchases under $3. whatever change i have in my pockets after becomes a tip, because everyone deserves tips. not just baristas.

9. sneezing. i always experience great satisfaction the instant after the sneeze. i love sneezing because it is unexpected. i can't plan on these to happen (whereas the rest of these it is somewhat easy to replicate).

10. people with accents. these people always move up higher on my list of favorite people. well sadly only some accents, but still, i love talking to them and i question why they ended up in campbell as opposed to their home nations (where i would rather be).

2008-03-19T09:53:00.001-07:00

last night

i watched this documentary about whales and it was all footage of one whale from up close and underneath it, at times it would hit the camera and laugh. amidst the childlike laughter of the whale i heard some hissing. as it turns out, underneath the whale was an underwater cat that was hissing. i was seriously confused. either the whale is flying above ground, or the cat is an underwater cat that can hiss underwater (without air). i told as many people about this as i could, but no one believed me.

2008-03-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

this whole tagging thing

Jon made me do this. ill make katie hund, joann collier and jon sontag do this.

Here's the deal:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules.
3. Share 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag at least 3 people.
5. Make sure the people you tagged know you tagged then by commenting to them.

1. whenever i see any group of people on a stage (bands, choirs, comedians, teachers....) i put them through a competition in my mind where i eliminate some of them as they all vie to be my roommate. like that is their and my final prize, we are united as roommates.

2. i always say "what". even though i always hear everything that everyone says, i still respond with "what?". that "what" gives me an extra second to process the words that they said to me and it will allow me time to answer thoroughly.

3. i love festivals or scheduled events. i love the bringing of people together. i dont think i cared these until recently. Coachella, Oktoberfest, farmer's markets, Dancing on the Streets.... I am excited because I will probably make it out to SF Beerfest in April and the Arts and Music fest in August. I guess i like these events because:
a: it is something to do that doesnt require planning on our parts (particularly events in campbell and san jose).
b: perfect place to people watch. if the beer is too expensive and its a short walk to the event, people watching is great. its these festivals where people who dont normally get out of their houses get out and dance awkwardly.

4. when i was in high school i would walk the campus on our lunch break. this goes along with me not really having friends at my school. or my mean avoidance of friends. but i would walk back and forth and if i walked too far one direction and realized it would look awkward for me to turn (keep in mind i wanted it to always look like i was going somewhere instead of wandering) i would say "actually" and then somehow that word would make my awkward 180 look normal. i was wrong. i still say actually. usually when i am lost.

5. i have a love for maps. all about them. there is something about the organization through natural landscapes that is amazing. or simply the fact that people are able to survey the land and make these things. as a child on family vacations i remember studying the atlas, as a 25 year old i still do that. i wonder what life is like off on this little highway 173 that happens to wrap itself around a little lake. then i would ponder life along that like, seeing someone living there who had the same curiosity as i had, but now they were living it. now my map love comes from all maps including subway lines and economic maps such as GNP reports per county.

6. i love badly designed things. i love looking at terrible logos and badly layed out menus and it just makes me want to rework them for cheap and make them slightly happier. and have them understand that design is important. maybe i should give them copies of Helvetica for them to watch.

2008-02-27T15:00:00.000-08:00

next week

most of these are cinequest films
monday march 3
9:15pm
the sinking of santa isabel

tuesday march 4
4:15pm
around the bay

6:45pm
the silence before bach

9:30pm
the case (xiang zi)

wednesday march 5

thursday march 6
4:30pm
the art of travel

9:30pm
half empty

friday march 7
4:45pm
little girl blue (tajnosti)

afterwards i will be attending a variety of art openings at south first fridays

2008-02-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

barack obama

with the help of www.barackobamaisyournewbicycle.com me and friends have created some more reasons why we should all vote for Barack.

barack obama participated in your chain message
barack obama took you out to dinner and a movie
barack obama watched your kids when you went out to dinner with your spouse
barack obama called in sick for you when you wanted to go to the beach
barack obama snapped for you after you read your poem at open mic
barack obama played djembe for you on your open mic night
barack obama and yourself dressed up as salt and pepper shakers for halloween
barack obama made you chicken noodle soup and team when you weren't feeling well
barack obama saved you from drowning
barack obama bought you aloe vera for your sunburn
barack obama translated for you on your trip to chile
barack obama dressed like a clown for your son's birthday party
barack obama made all the lights green when you were running late for work
barack obama gave you his gold medal from the 1980 olympics
barack obama gave your daughter away at her wedding
barack obama requested gloria estefan on the morning radio show
barack obama toasted you at his inaguration ceremony

2008-02-19T16:41:00.000-08:00

proper album branding

the part of design that is the most fascinating to me (more than type) is branding or identity design. through this all aspects of a project or a compay have elements that connect it all together. going through my album artwork in itunes, i realized many artists make their singles or EPs relate back to the full length album that preceeded them. here are a few of my favorite album brands that i have seen:

Air - Pocket Symphony / Once Upon A Time / Mer du Japon

Battles - Mirrored / Tonto / Atlas

Daft Punk - Human After All / Robot Rock / Technologic / The Prime Time of Your Life

Hot Chip - The Warning / Over and Over / Boy From School / Colours

M83 - Before the Dawn Heals Us / Don't Save Us From The Flames / A Guitar And A Heart / Teen Angst

Mylo - Destroy Rock & Roll / Doctor Pressure / In My Arms / Paris Four Hundred

Soulwax - Nite Versions / NY Excuse / E-Talking / Any Minute Now

enjoy.

2008-02-06T11:06:00.000-08:00

sleeve faces

click on those pictures to see more.

2008-01-23T17:07:00.001-08:00

stagnancy

have we grown stagnant again?
i feel that we have spent our time arguing with the thoughts we used to have. we have won because we realized our previous thoughts were wrong. with the win we have decided to change. but i feel our change is not so much a change, but a camp that we are all stationed at because it is comfortable. we are all there. we dont need to continue.

you
me
all the friends

we are there

why should someone leave?
how could someone leave?
is there something i can say to everyone that will make them want to go on together?
what is that word?

we are stagnant.

we are okay with that, and thats the worst realization.

also.

we dont cry out for help.
everything is ok.
but it's not.
but it kindof is.
it's this mystery that we've tackled.
we don't change.
we let things build up.
eat away.
because i feel we are not aware.

we are humans.
it is our nature to sin.
if everything was ok, then shouldn't we just be our old human self.
there has to be movement.
there has to be restraint.

2008-01-22T11:01:00.001-08:00

i want your number

listen to booka shade's new single, here.

one of my favorite upbeat things on a rainy day.

2008-01-12T19:26:00.001-08:00

being in it

watching There Will Be Blood last night had my mind thinking. i am not going to spoil any bit of the movie, so dont worry. my mind was going back in forth in a "i am liking this" to a "i am not liking this" way. the same thing happened when i saw I'm Not There the other week. i am too concerned on what my perception is of the movie instead of actually enjoying it as a firsthand thing.

maybe it is the blogging, and knowing that if i like or do not like what i am watching, i will want to tell people. maybe i want my opinion before i really can justify it.

maybe it is this quick comment someone said at our small group the other night. she said that it is like being on vacation in a great place and saying "this is going to be one of my favorite places" and you get so rolled up in that thought that you really dont enjoy it while being there.

maybe we shouldn't love things or dislike things until we are done witnessing things. i, for one, have too many opinions before it all settles.

once again, this might not make sense to anyone.

2008-01-10T11:24:00.001-08:00

bon iver

chills.
maybe my new favorite album from 2007.

2008-01-10T11:08:00.001-08:00

barak logobama

go here and look at all the variations of obama's logo as it takes into consideration many groups of people of america.

2007-12-26T17:30:00.001-08:00

jumped.

i jumped.
i never do that.
i am learning that it is necessary.
things can't be handed to me.
i need to pursue things on my own.
i jumped.
i jumped.
i jumped.
and i feel warm.

2007-12-21T13:44:00.000-08:00

juno
add this to my top twelve movies of the year.

2007-12-20T09:16:00.000-08:00

atonement

add this to my top eleven movies of the year.

2007-12-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

where i am at

yesterday i finished college. i finished the two classes i was told i needed to officially graduate. now it is in the hands of the administration to let all of the paperwork process that i paid them to do a few months back. i still get worried. i want this over so so so so bad.

in other news.

last night, sometime between midnight and 2am, dani and i were driving in a van over to what we know as "The Stalks". i guess you could say it is a local hangout / secret thing along the coast, near all these corn fields. but it takes patience to drive there as it is easy to get lost. we show up at the wrong spot, but it is nearby, so we decide to walk to the "point" (meanwhile it is so light out, like the middle of the day, weird). anyways, we walk over there and drew and jon are leaning against this fence railing thing. the fence is blocking them from a long, 400-500 foot drop along rocky coast and thrashing ocean. i freak out by staying away from the railing. i turn around and realize that the fence is broken and jon and drew are gone. dani and i get scared. we hear a faint "help" in the distance, knowing that they fell down into the rocky ocean / coast combo. dani and i agree they are probably dead, so we go back to our respective homes. sometime later that night jon appears and he has a cut on his head. he is ok with our choice for not helping. he said when they landed down below, there were two vans there waiting for them, and they strapped jon and drew to the top and drove them to their respective homes. i guess jon lives with me.

2007-12-18T10:31:00.001-08:00

top two performances of 2008

january 20:
Freaks and Geeks Speak!
Reunion Panel and Q&A with original cast members Dave Gruber Allen (Jeff Rosso), Steve Bannos (Mr. Kowchevski), Linda Cardellini (Lindsay), John Francis Daly (Sam), Samm Levine (Neil), Busy Phillips (Kim Kelly), Martin Starr (Bill) and creator Paul Feig.
moderated by Patton Oswalt.
@ Cobbs Comedy Club

january 25:
upright citizen brigade: asssscat
with matt besser, ian roberts, matt walsh, rachel dratch and rob riggle. with guest monologist neil patrick harris.
@ the eureka theater

2007-12-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

top ten performances of 2007 (that i witnessed)

ten is a lot. but i couldnt make coachella one concert. its the performances. so here are ten. in the order i saw them.

girl talk on january 12 at the independent in sf

video is from that actual show, look for me, i probably cant be seen

lo-fi-fnk / fujiya & miyagi on february 13 at the mezzanine in sf

went for fujiya & miyagi. was amazed by lo-fi-fnk. no longer cared about fujiya & miyagi

zack galifianakis / brian posehn / patton oswalt on april 27 at coachella

perfect way to start the weekend

lcd soundsystem on april 28 at coachella

i think i was standing somwhere near where this video was taken

the arcade fire on april 28 at coachella

you can probably see me somewhere in the crowd

grizzly bear on april 29 at coachella

i was surprised i could listen to mellow music on a 110 degree day

jose gonzales on april 29 at coachella

another relaxing time there.

teddybears on april 29 at coachella

i did not know anything about them before this, and this could be one of the best things i have ever seen. it was crazy. i was standing next to selma blair and andrew bird while watching them.

cocorosie on april 30 at the rio theater in santa cruz

kristin probably hated the show at this point. i loved it more than anything

last song they played. kristin liked it at this point

chromeo / flosstradamus on july 23 at the mezzanine in sf

being free helped a lot

2007-12-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

top ten movies of 2007

edit: reign over me lost its spot to heima. sorry reign.

2007-12-09T11:24:00.000-08:00

top ten of 2007

the cinematic orchestra: ma fleur
this album guides my drives and it guided my whole trip to europe. i kick myself for not going to see them at bimbos a few months ago.

animal collective: strawberry jam
the sequence of [For Reverend Green - Fireworks - #1 - Winter Wonderland] is so good.

the arcade fire: neon bible
one of my favorite bands sounding like one of my favorite singers.

cocorosie: the adventures of ghosthorse and stillborn
"I'ma shake you off though, get up on that horse and ride into the sunset, look back with no remorse"

andrew bird: armchair apocrypha
i physically rubbed shoulders with him

st. vincent: marry me
girls don't normally impress me as much as she does with this.

radiohead: in rainbows
i realized i listen to the song, nude, over 40 times

múm: go go smear the poison ivy
every year i need someone from iceland on this list

midlake: the trials of van occupanther
i was apprehensive at first, but it has totally redeemed itself marvelously

lcd soundsystem: sound of silver
everything in one. as cheesy as that sounds. it sounds so cheesy, but it is heartfelt

2007-11-27T11:33:00.000-08:00

end of times

i forgot to update.
i was busy. or maybe i felt like not holding on to the comfort of a computer when i was away. i dont want to know. but i am.

the trip was great. ljubljana and bled in slovenia. budapest, hungary. london, hertfordshire and shropshire counties in england. and a sliver of wales.

here was my favorite moment.

the bridge in budapest. walking across from buda to pest around sunset, over the Danube. listening to "Into You" by the Cinematic Orchestra. it was at this point where i was thinking that if i kept stressing about my luggage i will not have fun. i want fun. the line from the song, "so much better here" lingering. i bridged my thoughts on the bridge. it was all metaphorical and beautiful. i took a deep breath at the end and said goodbye to comfort.

the wedding and reception was also pretty amazing. jon said everything. i cant add anything except my moment from above.

2007-11-17T12:33:00.000-08:00

sj-sf-calgary-london-ljubljana

for about 20 hours we flew and bussed and walked and got yelled at by canadiens.
at one point my bag decided to be flown out on a different plane.
i still dont have it, nor do i know where it is at.
it snowed tonight in ljubljana, slovenija.
i liked it. we hiked at lake bled. we ate a traditional slovenijan dinner. we drank lasko beer. we had a great desert. i was given great birthday gifts.
ljubljana is great. like prague without the seediness. like amsterdam without the drugs and sex. the countryside is like switzerland without the cheese.
we saw the alps today with full snow and sassiness (no reason why i put that).
tomorrow we go to budapest. maybe ill get my bag. maybe ill wear the same clothes again.
all in all. i am happy. i want to move here to improve both the signage and the overall design of the city.

2007-11-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

to

i always talk of the buildup. everything at once. the struggle for money. the stressful days of work. the paper that is due sooner than i had thought. all at once. i am pretty sure i have titled many blogs "culmination" or "all at once" many times. im in that one again. and as of right now i have not created a title for this.

but im excited:
to fly.
to listen to the cinematic orchestra and sigur ros everywhere. in every town.
to not work.
to see two great people get married to eachother.
to see the smiles of faces i havent seen in months.
to breathe in the brisk cold air.
to not sit in class.
to not worry about my car. or my money situation.
to be away from american culture.
to not be a stereotypical american to everyone.
to look inward and outward and not be blind.
to drink a good beer.

ill be back on the 25th.
ill try to post on here.

2007-11-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

books with weight

in You Shall Know Our Velocity!, or the previously titled Sacrament, Will travels for a week with his friend Hand for one week. knowing that they will be on planes and some waiting time, Will brings with him the biography of Winston Churchill. the book is large so he rips out the pages that he had already read and he also takes out the last few 100 pages because that is stuff that is just weight that will not be fun to carry around. and he can read the remaining pages when he gets home.

i am trying to figure out my weight for my 11 day venture.
i will probably bring:
Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
The Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen
an issue or two of Good magazine
an issue or two of Believer magazine

does anyone have any books they reccomend for my travels.

2007-11-05T13:38:00.000-08:00

two things

first:

second:
i have been at orchard valley for a bit. watching a few people take money out of the atm. its not a slow atm. if you put it in perspective with how long it takes one to get money from their account at a bank. you can stay in the coffeeshop moneyless and walk to the other wall, get money, and not have to take this trip to the bank. yes it is convenient. but these people. three in a row. are impatient. they all sighed when their money was not dispensed upon hitting the "fast cash $40" button. they looked around as if someone woule relate with their sorrows here. and no one did, and tha frustrated them. it is a fast machine. i hate that instantaneus speed is necessary for people. i think its going to continually mess up our lives. we will all become more dependant on that. as for me. i will appreciate the slow.

2007-10-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

oktoberfest

what time is everyone going to this?

2007-10-16T17:36:00.000-07:00

productivity

today i left santa cruz at 10:30 in the morning knowing i had to be at work at 12. around 10:45 i hit mild traffic. then i hit major traffic. it ended up taking me 2.5 hours to get home. to add to that my phone didnt work so i couldnt call in late for work. so i had to pull over and use some random dude's cell phone. and that was at 12:00 at the summit. (i actually went into that shop, i have always wanted to). but. during the 2mph drive home i cleaned out my car (glove compartment and under the seats and threw away leaves that were inside). gathered more ideas for my art show. made a nice mix on my ipod. read a chapter from mere christianity. read a chapter from the book about books that dani let me borrow. it was a nice drive.

this is what happened

2007-10-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

top five albums

Arab Strap - The Red Thread
i still claim to be the only one ive ever known to like these guys, besides this guy jeff who i used to work with a long time ago at JDM Packing Supplies. he showed me this album when it came out (2000 i believe). i used to describe this as sexy scottish music. and i think that still holds true. this album is beautiful. listening to it again and again adds more depth and beauty to it. Screaming In The Trees is one of my favorite songs ever. perfect nighttime driving song. im excited if anyone wants to hear this.

Bjork - Homogenic
i remember i first heard this in Adrea's car when her and Hanniel were inside of Hanniels house getting ready for us to break into some hot tub somewhere. Joga killed me. it was the most powerful thing ive heard and i was floored by it. before that i thought bjork was just some weird girl. i never thought about the depth of her talent and how musical and poetic this is.

Jimmy Eat World - Clarity
my old band played a show many years ago and there was this band, Bendixon, playing on another stage. they played a song that made all the guys in the other bands excited and they ran over. and i listened thinking that the song was very good. afterwards i heard my friend josh tell them that he was glad they played that Jimmy Eat World song. it meant nothing to me until i bought clarity (to be like my cooler counterparts) and i realized Bendixon covered Lucky Denver Mint. this album has been an amazing counterpart to life. so fun to have a car full of people driving far away and singing this album from start to finish.

Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
because of the documentary this album lived with me. i felt like i was breathing Tweedys words. everything about this is so sincere. this is timeless for sure.

Broken Social Scene - You Forgot It In People
damien played this for me on the light rail on my way home from my first day of school at san jose state. there were so many layers and it was completely beautiful. i remember listening to Lover's Spit for the first time on this rainy day and the sun was just breaking through. and everything was cinematic with what was going on outside.

these could have made it:
Death Cab For Cutie - We Have The Facts And We're Voting Yes
Elliott Smith - Figure 8
M83 - Before The Dawn Heals Us
Pedro the Lion - Winners Never Quit

2007-10-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

design for justice

is doing graphic design futile?

ill share my thoughts later, when i have more time. but think about it. in terms of helping the needy. i feel that every other major in college can use their knowledge for more than i can. science majors can help construct canals or better cohabitation with the world they live around. architectural designers can create sustainable living environments. businessmen can help management of small businesses.

i can make a poster.
i can teach kids color theory. which is futile as well.

2007-10-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

great video

Division Day -Tigers

2007-09-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

end of summer book update

i figured i would be the only one of these that does not have the road by cormac mccarthy on the top of my blog. thanks to everyone else, i plan on reading that at some point soon. here we go:

You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers
i just finished it for the second time. this is because i have the crazy version thats missing key information, and i realized that the mcsweeneys website has this 49 page interjection, so i read it with the Sacrament part added to it. i felt many times that i was Will.

McSweeney's Quarterly #18 by many authors
like many collectives, the writing is all over the place. sometimes good. sometimes not for me. roddy doyle's story New Kid was one highlight. there was another great story and i cant remember the name or the author. i am sorry. it is the one regarding the girl who turns into a cloud when she falls in love.

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
it was a first time read for me. and i loved it so much. the whole time i read this i assumed i was Holden

Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour an Introduction by J.D. Salinger
like jon i liked RHTRB,C more than SAI. it was a fun story and in such Salinger style, he keep time pretty real. you read it as if it is still the same time. no next week or jump ahead 6 hours. its a long scene.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
this is my first attempt at Vonneget. it was quick for me to engage into this, and slowly got away from that. but then back into it (i am not finished yet). i once again have taken on the feeling that i am becoming the main character Billy Pilgrim.

The Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen
this will be the second Nouwen book ive read. and it is great. he lives in the Genesee Monastary in new york for a few months and journals about his experience with the fellow monks and he spends time arguing about his labor, or his purpose there, or if he should be focusing in on writing. monastic living from the perspective of someone who is hoping for change but yet somewhat stressed out about it.

i feel like thats all ive read in the last few weeks.

i also feel that everyone might hate me for this next line i will type: i actually enjoy the new linkin park songs ive heard. maybe im tracing it back to Mike's smile when they played on SNL.

2007-09-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

it will be winter

we have to go to lake bled.

2007-09-24T13:03:00.003-07:00

wouldn't mama be proud

i am so happy about everything about this album. i forgot everything about it i think.

i still love the rest. this is just the one that is more overpowering at this moment.

2007-09-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

november 4

i know i had that list of all of those concerts that i wanted to go to. and then i realized i need to budget and not go to any of them. and i have grown okay with the fact that i am not going to them. but one came up and it is intensly important that we all go. its on sunday november 4th. so i am sorry to those who work on sundays. but here is the information:

Recently returning from her European Tour, Joanna Newsom, folk harpist, singer/songwriter, returns to her roots in Nevada County for a special appearance. She will be performing her newest album, Ys, (pronounced ‘ees’), orchestra arrangements by Van Dyke Parks, with an expanded Solisti Glitterati Ensemble

also.

Juno. a movie i am very excited about.

2007-09-19T10:22:00.000-07:00

on wanting to rethink and deconstruct by the end our day

last night six friends and i met up with adam, mark and lisa from reimagine up in san francisco. we went to gain some structure, to answer our questions, to create more questions and to learn. i went with no expectations really. i didnt want an agenda. but all in all i compiled some notes and i figured i would attack each point for you all. [this may easily be my first theology-ish blog]

the romance period is over
thinking about our group, we have been friends for many years. we are not an awkward group. and we have been trying some sort of intentionality for about a year. i feel that the romance is over. we are this married group. we cant always be dating and then in love and romance surrounds. there is a point where you break that down and become real. and this is where life is found. [this idea also had my mind wandering around all of the romanticism paintings that were popping up in my head, and i had forgotten how much i love them]

dealing with shit vs. falseness
in order to understand someone, you will need to know the whole self. and if we want to be intentional in each other's lifes we have to not accept falseness but we should accept the hurt and the brokenness and the shit that makes up our inner self. this is what needs work. not the brushing of the surface, or simplified to not the surface.

give? vs. inward
we always come at everything with selfish motivation. really when meeting (or through everything) we should ask ourselves "what can i give to this group?"

experience God in different ways at different times
our group is very mixed. everyone in the world is mixed. it will be very hard to get all of us on the same path, so we are all expecting different things that would help each of us, but sometimes that does not work out. we need to learn where each of us are at and look for progress and, in turn, celebrate each of our next steps

dualistic worship: going into a holy moment vs. living it out
everything is spiritual. making toast. swimming. singing. driving. laying in bed sickly. it is all spiritual. we dont go from our "real life" into "spiritual time". it is all the same. it is all interrelated. so many levels of interrelatedness. why have i not thought about this very much

we've already cultivated that part of life, some people need it
if i feel that i am good with a certain discipline (probably silence and solitude) try to teach others that. someone might be very good with something that i lack (reading the bible and holding on to that)

worshippers with hands raised. encourage them because it will lead them
i have this cynicism at times. i feel that people who raise hands in worship dont know what worship is. but in reality my cynicism towards them is farther from worship. we are on different paths. we have different motivations. we have different ways of doing different things. if we stop looking down at them (from our mindset), and embrace it, then things could be more significant

what am i holding back that keeps me from loving?
i think thats self explanitory and self exploratory

how to work through sin. what led to it. how to adjust for better.
dont focus on the goods and the bads of life. but examine what makes the bads. see what really goes into sinful action. is lack of rest causing restlessness which leads to stress and causing selfishness to spur. this is another idea that i have never thought about. i thought just praying for the sin to stop would be the key. but there is so much depth and reason for sin's existence that we really have to focus in on that.

early christians. heaven hell god satan christian.
growing up in the church our whole lives we are fed the key words to look for when reading the bible. lump things into categories. but that is the huge reason for us all going through our crazy deconstructions that we are enduring. western culture decided it was easier to categorize everything. even jesus was lumped into categories

practice things in short times
our group has huge hopes: garden, intentionality, becoming more green, spiritual formation, budgeting, meals together, serving together, and it goes on. and there is nothing wrong with that. i feel that we have tried to find the perfect balance with all of that. and that is not a realistic response. they challenged us to attack things maybe in short periods like a week or two, and see if it is successful at all. i would love to work on these.

2007-09-11T18:08:00.000-07:00

city of angels

i am perfectly ok if i never go down to the los angeles area again. just a conclusion i reached in my mind today.

as for santa barbara and san diego. i will continue the adventures.

2007-09-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

future events

let me know if youre interested in these:

september 19: cat power @ the fillmore
october 3: teddybears @ the mezzanine
october 4: trentemøller @ the mezzanine
october 8: dave eggers & other writers @ the swedish american hall
october 26: felix da housecat @ ruby skye
november 1: battles @ great american music hall
november 9: jens lekman @ bimbos 365
december 12: david bazan @ bottom of the hill

ill probably only end up going to one of these. it will probably be dave eggers.

2007-09-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

some videos that have captured me

grizzly bear: knife

menomena: evil bee

arcade fire: neon bible (performed in an elevator in france)

andrew bird: spare-ohs (performed on the streets of france)

2007-08-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

hay-on-wye

shannon & jon. my book friends. we should go to this town called Hay-On-Wye in Wales. near shropshire / downton-on-the-rock / ludlow / hereford. it is known as the town of books.

jon it is in wales. you can see your mom and dad there.

2007-08-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

culmination

[i wrote this last night, but lack of internet did no help]

things happen. maybe i am more perceptive, but it seems as though more roughness falls on me in a moment than it would in two moments or more.

all in a few days.
my broken car = no money.
my bike riding = more sleep / still tired.
my weekend = different.
a mild car accident.
a failure of a business endeavor.

there are more. i think these together kill my creativity, probably by bringing down my morale. i feel no urge. nothing. and i feel that it is these times that I need creativity, these times that i am supposed to be making a certain graphic because that is what i am getting paid to do. i don’t feel like i am. It feels so hard to have energy to create like this.

also.

work tonight killed me. not in the salinger style, but in the “i am without energy” style. knowing that friends i know are having fun. knowing that i could have been with them if it was not for school, if it was not for san jose state. not for that whole mix up. then knowing that i do not work tomorrow, but everyone else does (in turn, separating me again).

anyways, work killed me. i was tired. i complained. i felt as if i were babysitting. the girls i worked with, they were children. i grew frustrated. as time went on and i thought about the aforementioned list of roughness, things did not…[i was going to continue with this. but i have now opted against this. it would be boring to read, just a venting session through keyboard and screen. but i feel that writing about my frustration would not help me heal it. so i might as well not write and just focus, make things ok. learn peace, learn happiness...]

[this section is post script, this is live. this is 10 hours after the above]

where is happiness acheived. where could i go to become happy. what would that entail. i am a happy usually. at least content. maybe im not spilling over. but its ok with me. but there are the moments like last night [above] where i can only ask questions to help my acheive this contentment.

i thought about my recent past. my last 2 years. this newere version of self. what would this guy do. where can i rewind the tape to find smiles and laughter. movies, no. not watching it alone. that would make this worse. friends, totally, but they are gone or asleep. a nice drink, not alone, that wouldnt even satisfy, it would be a temporary replacement, and the fact that i recognize that makes me hate that i thought about that.

i just went home and read two pages and fell asleep. i dont think it satisfied me. it calmed me. my mind wandered around for the whole two pages though. [this is long, sorry]

its amazing how much respect i give sleep. its an excuse to start over. i feel that during the bad days and the sick days. i want to sleep so that i wake up with refreshment. and i know things are not different, but it gives us reason to start again. and my vent session concludes with that.

2007-08-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

the genesee diary

henry nouwen has once again impressed me. im only partway through the book. once again i am reading my thoughts. or maybe not necessarily my own thoughts but collective thoughts that my friends and i have. he takes seven months to live in a trappist monatary to learn the joys of quiet and solitude. and to learn to be fully present even when picking stones from a creek, or separating raisins from rocks. there is also this whole idea that he is too concerned with writing a book about our solitude while he is not enjoying the solitude. its very interesting right now. ill see if it holds up.

im off to school. for hopefully the final semester ever. i hate this right now.

2007-08-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

the effects of being real

i have always loathed hypocracy and façades. im not saying that i have never taken on these forms, but moreso realized that being false is not an option.

in turn, working in retail gives us reason to be a façade. and i am still behind that a lot. but there is also that bond with coworkers where they understand who you are. there is this relationship. this real relationship. we spend many many many hours together. we should know eachother well.

when i dont want to be there, i say "i dont want to be here"

when im happy to see someone i say "im happy to see you"

it becomes real.

and to hear questions about faith. or what i do. or why im silent. or why im carefree. or why i care about this.
–these questions / these answers / these responses are my reasons why i am real.

so it is so good to see three coworkers all show up to vintage on sunday. thirty miles from their home. some taking the night off work. and it is good to get a text from another coworker who wants to join this crew.

it is also nice to know that i never had to force anything. i never had to pretend to have a stronger faith than i do. i just....was. thats all.

2007-08-14T00:07:00.000-07:00

it killed me

for a long time i have said those words. it killed me. many times to describe a person or a feeling or a moment.

i felt i was always asked what i meant by that. i remember being asked that after my description for Paris Je T'aime was "it killed me". and i couldnt describe what i meant. now i realize that there are moments or people that are so full of life and amazement and it is so much more than i am or i can comprehend that i claim it is a moment to kill me. to break me. to make me understand. to make me yearn.

of course i am not the first to say this. but i found it very rewarding to find that Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye uses it a lot to describe his "could have beens". i love this section:

she was a funny girl, old jane. i wouldn't exactly describe her as strictly beautiful. she knocked me out, though. she was sort of muckle-mouthed. i mean when she was talking and she got excited about something, her mouth sort of went in about fifty directions, her lips and all. that killed me."

maybe i am taking on what i read. im some sort of peter petrelli with books.

2007-08-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

meeting location

the thought that me, jon, dave, caitlin, ryan, thad, adrea, jordan, aletheia, shannon, joann, sammy, ashley, emily, amber, simon, keelan and more will all meet up at different parts of november in different countries and for most, will culminate in shropshire with a grand celebration, is such a good feeling.

2007-08-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

alternative choices for worship
my bordom with church services (as of recent) mixed with sigur ros and driving at night is very ok in my mind. its fun to hear god in the unknown.

2007-08-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

ecclesiastes

i realized that everything about ecclesiastes relates to and is my life.
probably because of these words being in my head:
futile
meaningless
unimportant

im seriously so content reading this.

2007-07-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

numbers & saving

"if google had a black screen, taking in account the huge number of page views, according to calculations, 750 mega watts/hour per year would be saved." (visit blackle).

matthew sleeth's book, Serve God Save The Planet, is making me think too much. not bad at all. i am excited for people to read this and feel this way about our waste and our consumption and our use of time and our daily routine. i am excited to brainstorm with friends and roomates and see how we can change.

i have always taken the side of the guy who feels very unpowerful. i have never felt that my votes count. i always figured that those who are more outspoken than i am will accomplish what i want. i dont have to side. i dont have to supply effort. but the book, the challenges, the "everything that we do has the potential to tear apart the environment in turn hurt habitats which will kill the potential food for millions of people". this is america. our speed expectations at restaurants stress out the restaurants so they in turn will want easier food to make, which will involve more chemicals and, what is the worse thing in my mind, making vegetarian animals such as cows to eat their own processed kinds in order to make their diet cheaper....because in all reality it comes down to efficiency and cost-effectiveness.

these ideas get me, and i know that many people dont realize any of this or they pretend that they didnt hear about any of this (thats where i came from). but i am that one guy that will cast his vote and it will count somewhere.

jon sontag. lets meet soon. i really want you to read the book and i want us to start helping eachother out in this.

2007-07-23T16:50:00.000-07:00

cynic

i feel that everyone is looking for their thing. everyone wants to discover this thing. im guilty of it. and the more that i have been trying to stray from holding on to this thing to be mine, to be my reason, to be my find, my treasure, my good luck...i feel that it kills me to see people find it. maybe this goes along with me hating (extreme words choice) everything that everyone likes.

all i ask is contentment for everything.
i dont want to see movies or concerts or books and just assume that these things really didnt change peoples lives.
i hear those words all the time. i just dont know anything about them. or their hearts. or their intentions.

i really hate the fact that for two days now i am being fully cynical and selfish. or maybe im just aware of it. and i think this awareness is good. tell me when im dumb. these days are good days to hear those words.

2007-07-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

should i stay back?

i feel responsible for my friends. and i dont know what to do.

i hate it. their actions. i feel like i failed somehow
-you didnt
but they do this thing, and its....
-just be

thats all im getting out of this.

edit: this is too much

2007-07-19T17:22:00.000-07:00

top six musicians(idea taken from jon's blog)

wilco
i had friends that were into them. and i remember seeing all these great reviews for yankee hotel foxtrot. and i saw the album at tower in the country section. and i remember being confused by it all. why did some of my friends like country. everything was adding up for me to finally listen to them. i knew nothing about them. about a week after i felt this need to hear them i was near the old camera 3 theater downtown and there was a poster advertising I Am Trying To Break Your Heart, a documentary about wilco. i decided to see it. this movie made me love the album and the band. and to see true music being made, with emotions and everything. it was perfect. here are the first 2 minutes of that film:

and then i saw them at the san jose center for performing arts (on november 13, 2004).

pedro the lion / david bazan
im pretty sure ive seen him about ten times. the first time he was in a full band, and they were on tooth and nail records and they were opening up velour 100 (i actually just figured out that this was on july 27, 1999). some of his songs are some of my favorite things ever. and the stories he paints with each album are amazing, and it makes me not take any song individually, but as a complete work. one of the few people i have ever wanted to talk to, and at a show 2 years ago he actually began talking to me. he initiated it, and i was surprised. this video is from his 1999 days.

broken social scene
my friend damien showed me them on the light rail on my way home from school a few years back. initially i knew that he liked strange music (to me) so i expected something out there. he played me Almost Crimes from You Forgot It In People. i was hooked at that point. i love the idea that this band is more of a collective than a band. they all come from different music projects (Stars, Metric, Feist, Do Make Say Think, Reverie Sound Revue...) and each song is made with different elements involved. here is one of my favorite videos of theirs:

the knife
im sad to say that i got into them after hearing jose gonzales cover their song. no originality. jose beat me to it. i remember listening to deep cuts on my way home from sf one night and i stayed in my car for a bit after to just let the album finish. thats all i can say. i saw them last year and it was one of the highlights of my concert life. what made it more special was after the show when we were hanging out outside and karin walked passed us and then we follwed her and she disappeared into the sf air.

sufjan stevens
i first heard his michigan album and i actually didnt care for it. but it was on my ipod and i kept skipping over his name and i gave it a good listen (i remember that i was near savers on bascom when i began to like the music). then illinois killed me. so so so good. then i heard seven swans. and that was truly amazing.

sigur ros
"victory rose"
my brother told me about them and i remember listening to Untitled 4 on my way to school soon after. then i bought that album, which could equate to one of my favorite albums ever. all of their music has become soundtracks to everything. the idea that i dont know what any of their songs are about has me create stories. i can listen to it through any environment. it has become the perfect piece for travel, and for nighttime and for motion. i feel separated when i listen to anything by them. i feel that i am in worship. i feel that everything is perfect. its crazy.
the best music video:

the live amazement:

2007-07-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

thanks to the failing school systems in america

this is playing in san francisco and berkeley on september 7. i highly reccommend it (as i did a year ago).

joann, dont read that because that might not make you happy. but at least you had seen it before.

for everyone else, go see it. ill be there for sure.

the reason it is getting more showings now is because morgan spurlock is feeding the movie money (executive producer status) because that is the next slightly immoral issue that he is takling (along with everything he has done).

2007-07-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

as of recent

i seem to like everything that people dont like and i dont like things that people like.
and its not some hidden motivation to be different.
im trying to understand it, truly.
if you have insight....let me know.

2007-07-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

as of recent

i think one of the greatest tangents to travelling is budgeting. this also comes with me expecting certain checks to arrive that have not. or me also forgetting that some checks that i write take some time to process. and i shouldnt forget.

so basically everything brought me to a low. and i kindof love it.

i can make it though the next few days and it should be fun. i need this uncomfort.