the effects of being real

i have always loathed hypocracy and façades. im not saying that i have never taken on these forms, but moreso realized that being false is not an option.

in turn, working in retail gives us reason to be a façade. and i am still behind that a lot. but there is also that bond with coworkers where they understand who you are. there is this relationship. this real relationship. we spend many many many hours together. we should know eachother well.

when i dont want to be there, i say "i dont want to be here"

when im happy to see someone i say "im happy to see you"

it becomes real.

and to hear questions about faith. or what i do. or why im silent. or why im carefree. or why i care about this.
–these questions / these answers / these responses are my reasons why i am real.

so it is so good to see three coworkers all show up to vintage on sunday. thirty miles from their home. some taking the night off work. and it is good to get a text from another coworker who wants to join this crew.

it is also nice to know that i never had to force anything. i never had to pretend to have a stronger faith than i do. i just....was. thats all.