in true video game fashion


i have to keep myself in check with the "metaphor" title here.

there was this video game, the getaway. it might be the last game i played solo. it was vaguely similar to grand theft auto, or stuff like that. basically brainless entertainment. i got to the 3rd level or something low and unskillful. the mission had to do with killing guys and stealing cars and going fast and avoiding cops or killing cops. basic every day life. but i was on lousy level 3 and i didnt know (i still dont know) how to get out, finish it, move on to the next stage. i tried everything there was, it bugged me, i still see the game sitting there on the desk and i dont know if i want to attempt it (even though im hating video games more and more daily). i tried shooting people with different weapons or not shooting them. i couldnt get it, i gave up.

this is the metaphor for the last 5 years.

i shoot people and run from cops and hide in alleys.

or i am stuck. i have tried everything to get myself away from where im at, or what i do. i just want to get to level 4. im at the same job in the exact same location, i live in the same room as i did when i was 5. right now i am wearing a shirt that i bought about 5 years ago (onelinedrawing). i guess i have explored this level and tried to find different ways of getting on with stuff.

but i guess im moving on. i stopped killing cops. i am in the process (almost) of moving out. i am in the process (almost) of transferring locations for work. i am almost done with college. i no longer deal drugs in alleys. i found a church that i am close to calling home. i have such a varied and eclectic array of friends and that is the best thing in the world. but im still on level 3. i think i need to talk to the maker of the game. and i have tried that hundreds of times and the only answer i am getting is "wait".